winter cancelled – full article

In a joint federal-state policy issued this afternoon, it was announced that winter in West Virginia will be cancelled for 2015.  “I don’t want people thinking there aren’t going to be problems and glitches with this,” said Walt Davis, who headed the operation on the State end.  “There are going to be days where it will be down in the forties, maybe even below freezing.   We’re in new territory, and you can’t expect perfection.  But I am confident that most of January and February, throughout most of the state, will be like January and February in central Florida.  Don’t think you can grow tomatoes, but hardy greens, like kale and collards ought to be fine.

“I don’t know how many times I’m going to have to say this, but this cancellation is not caused by and has nothing to do with global warming.  You can rest assured that this temporary relief is not going to cause New York City to fall into the ocean.  We’ve run computer simulations on this till we’re blue in the face.  There are people at Duke and MIT who’ve been working on it for years.  It’s all safe.

“And, in the end, we think it will actually save the government money.  It’s an expensive undertaking, that’s for sure, but the paybacks will be in money saved on road salt and repair and countless car accidents and traffic pile-ups avoided.  Billions saved in heating an energy costs.  Shipping will be easier, cheaper and uninterrupted.  Our models show that, with no snowfall, the number of cardiac arrest cases – usually due to older men shoveling snow – will diminish almost to nothing.  Thousands of dollars saved with every heart attack avoided.  Then there is all of that extra kale and collards that will enter the economy. When you think about it, winter is just not worth the trouble and expense it causes

“The days will still be as short as ever in January and February.  We’re decades away, yet, from being able to do anything about that.  If anyone has questions, they may find answers on line at wintercancelled.gov.”

 

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2 Responses to winter cancelled – full article

  1. This is the way big government is supposed to work.

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